The last two chapters have been awesome

I love the chapter describing his trip to New York City. I really relate to his dilemma of trying to develop his own identity and feeling brought down yet a sense of obligation to his sick brother. The contrast between the two of them is amazing, and Thomas is almost an alcoholic. Of course because he's mentally ill, it's not like his own bad choices are causing him to freak out and act inappropriately. But the feelings that Dominick describes are exactly spot on and I have felt that way more than I can even say, not just in dealing with my alcoholic mom, but other using alcoholics and addicts and even just mentally ill people I've known in my life. For the first time in the book when they flashed back to Dominck and Thomas' childhood I didn't feel like it was out of place. This time I appreciated the simple language that Dominick used to tell the story in the first person. It was so relatable. I could physically feel how validated and appreciated he felt when he got positive reinforcement from his otherwise asshole abusive stepfather when the popular cool kid in school invited him over. And I could feel the shameful understanding that that had all come to a screeching halt because Thomas got stuck in the bathroom and created a scene, that the shame and horror of all the classmate's discomfort had rubbed onto Dominick and now he was damaged goods. I remember feeling like that in high school when my sister would act out. I'd made it on my own as a cheerleader and good student. And along came this punk ass rebellious asshole who made it difficult for me because people picked on me about her. I felt loyal to my sister because, well, she's my sister. But I felt very angry and resentful for ... I don't know how to articulate it ... bursting my bubble I guess? I'd created some self esteem, I'd made a life for myself at that school. Then once she showed up on the scene it was like the stink of her bad behavior rubbed off on me or something. That's how Dominick describes his experience in this chapter and it is powerful! Oh and the part where he comes home and can't even give his Ma a positive accounting, and all the souvenirs he'd spent his money on were gone to shit anyway. Brilliant. Flawless. Powerful and moving.

I also love the relationship he's building with the social worker. She is such a bright character in this grim cast. I love her sass and I love how much smarter she is than Dominick. I love how she gives it to him straight and I love that she has his number right off the bat. I adore how she's on his side but does not bullshit him for a second, even calling out his Don Quixote complex. I also love her because she, like me, is 1/2 Jewish and is also an alanon (though she doesn't use that term specifically). She just says she has dealt with addicts in the past and understands how she was just as sick as the addict because of trying to fix manage and control and rescue. LOVE HER! I love that for the first time Dominick as well as us as the reader has some perspective on where his brother is headed. The whole greater political context for Thomas' actions is brought to light, it's positioned as hypothetical, but for me as a reader I finally felt some hope that we're not going to stay in Dominick's flat apartment in his dead relationship or behind the walls of a maximium security sanitarium for the rest of the book. Dominick finally felt like he had some answers and, frankly, I finally felt like I had a reason to keep reading through the end.

I'm having a hard time putting it down at this point. I resented the book at first because it was SO hard for me to get in to and I was so excited about the book club blog and I really wanted to take the action to be part of. But I hated the book so much at first I avoided it unless there was just nothing else to do at all. Now I love it and I can't put it down, except that I have to work and exercise and go to meetings and stuff and I'm resentful that I can't just take a vacation and read. Oh well. We can't always get what we want!